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My Sunburn

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I have had several request for updates on MS SUNBM.  Here it is:

(If you don’t know about MS SUNBM, click here)

This all happened two weeks ago, Friday.  I was preparing the children for school.  We were going through our usual routine of brushing hair, washing faces and the like.  I glanced at the clock and observed that it was nearly 7:15.

‘What are you looking at dad.’ asked Noelle.

‘Well,’ I replied, ‘It is about time for MS SUNBM to drive by.  I guess I am little apprehensive about it.’

‘Don’t worry, dad.  We have not heard her for several weeks.  I am sure she is gone now.’

‘I sure hope so.  It has been pleasant, not having to worry so much about the honking.’

Just then, HONK HONK.  I don’t really remember exactly what happened next.  Something in my head just snapped.  Before I knew it, I was up and running towards the door.  Casey called to me, but I didn’t register it.  I nearly jerked the hinges off the front door as I opened it.  Keys in hand, I flew to the car and took off after her.

I think she saw me coming before I was even in the car.  She accerlated with tremendous force and was flying down the street.  I laid into the gas and was able to catch up with her after about a minute.  We both ignored both stop signs and pedestrians as we played our deadly game.

Once we were both on the main road, I flew past her and was able to cut her off.  I slammed on my brakes, hoping that she wouldn’t ram me outright.  She tried to swerve around me, but her tire caught the island and she had to stop.  We both jumped out of our cars to face each other.

‘MS SUNBM!’ I roared at her.  ‘What do you torture me like this!’

MS SUNBM laughed haughtily, ‘Torture?  You don’t know the meaning of torture!  You were never terrorized by the Honker of 1975.  That was torture.  What I am doing is not torture.  It is just child’s play.  I am merely getting you ready for what is to come.  You should be thanking me, not chasing me down.’

‘I don’t care what happened to you,’ I replied.  ‘I just want you leave me alone.  We have done nothing to you, yet you honk and honk.  It is driving my poor wife mad!  She is afraid to leave the bedroom before 7:15.  That is no way to live life.’

‘ ‘No way to live life?’ ” she spat.  ‘You’ve growth soft in you dotage.  You need me just to keep yourself in the real world.  But don’t worry, this will end soon enough.  Soon the Honker will be released from prison and you will be begging me to come back and take his place.’

‘Released?  There is no way he will be released!  The judge who put him there said that he would stay in the darkest pit of the worst prison for this actions.  He will never get out.

MS SUNBM regarded me calmly for a moment and when she spoke there is was a hint of steel and more than a hint of self loathing and abasement.  ‘You don’t follow politics do?’ she asked.  ‘You probably don’t know about ABX 14, do you? If you did you would know that the Honker is 60 years old now.  He is eligible to be release into home custody because he is permanently medically incapacitated.  He coming home.  And when he gets there, all hell breaks loose.  And I will help him.  I have sold my soul to that monster.  I must do what he tells me.’

I scoffed at her claim.  Sure, ABX 14 will allow that to happen, but if he is permanently medically incapacitated, what harm can he do.  I pointed that out to MS SUNBM.

‘You’re an idiot.  Yes, he will be confined to bed in his home.  But it is his home that scares me.’

‘What do you mean, ‘his home’.’

‘Don’t you get it?  He lives in a Winnebago.  The evilest motorhome around.  It has the windshield from Bonnie and Clyde’s car, the rear bumper from Hitler’s staff car and the gear shifter from Martha Stewart’s minivan.’

‘So, just shove a potato in the tail pipe and be done with him!’

‘You can’t.  It has an electric motor from Ed Begley Jr’s concept car.’

I inwardly shuddered as I began to grasp the magnitude of what has happening.  The Honker driving around at will in his Winnebago.  She was right.  I hadn’t seen anything yet.

‘But now you know too much.  You must die.’ said MS SUNBM.

She stood their with a look of concentration on her face.  The clouds above me began to boil, the wind began to shriek around me.  I suddenly felt the oppressive weight her mind upon me, trying to crush out my sanity before I could act.  I slowly inched towards her as she began to speak, her eyes mad with an unholy pleasure.

‘It’s over,’ she cackled, ‘I have won!’

Ten feet.

‘You will finally know my pain!’

Six feet.

‘Prepare to perish!’

Three feet.  Her eyes were now totally mad.  Bits of spittle foamed in the corners of her mouth and she did not even seem to care that she had come with in range of my fornortner rod.  I easily cast it forward with a flick of my wrist, just like dad taught me.  It seemed so easy.  The rod disappeared into her chest like a stick into water.  I could feel her faltering heart beat thrilling up the rod to my hand.  She looked at me in total surprise.  Then her lip curled back to a sneer and plucked the rod out of her chest as it nothing had happened.

‘I will return.  You have not seen the last of me!’

She made a curious gesture with her hand and the earth opened up underneath her.  She stood their over the gaping pit as if the air under her was solid.  Without another word she dropped and the earth closed up around her.

It was over.  Trembling with exhaustion, I lowered myself to the ground.  I admit I wept silently for a time, just trying to process what had happened to me.  She will return?

So now I wait and abide against her return, ready for whatever I must do.   I just need to be ready to defend my family when the time comes.  If it comes.

And that is exactly what happened.

And so it goes.

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4 responses »

  1. You’re watching WAY too much Futurama.

  2. I bet that is exactly what happened! Weird things happen on the left coast….

  3. You should have been a writer, Sean!

  4. Pingback: The Other Brother « Sean's Weblog

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