My Sunburn

I have had several request for updates on MS SUNBM.  Here it is:

(If you don’t know about MS SUNBM, click here)

This all happened two weeks ago, Friday.  I was preparing the children for school.  We were going through our usual routine of brushing hair, washing faces and the like.  I glanced at the clock and observed that it was nearly 7:15.

‘What are you looking at dad.’ asked Noelle.

‘Well,’ I replied, ‘It is about time for MS SUNBM to drive by.  I guess I am little apprehensive about it.’

‘Don’t worry, dad.  We have not heard her for several weeks.  I am sure she is gone now.’

‘I sure hope so.  It has been pleasant, not having to worry so much about the honking.’

Just then, HONK HONK.  I don’t really remember exactly what happened next.  Something in my head just snapped.  Before I knew it, I was up and running towards the door.  Casey called to me, but I didn’t register it.  I nearly jerked the hinges off the front door as I opened it.  Keys in hand, I flew to the car and took off after her.

I think she saw me coming before I was even in the car.  She accerlated with tremendous force and was flying down the street.  I laid into the gas and was able to catch up with her after about a minute.  We both ignored both stop signs and pedestrians as we played our deadly game.

Once we were both on the main road, I flew past her and was able to cut her off.  I slammed on my brakes, hoping that she wouldn’t ram me outright.  She tried to swerve around me, but her tire caught the island and she had to stop.  We both jumped out of our cars to face each other.

‘MS SUNBM!’ I roared at her.  ’What do you torture me like this!’

MS SUNBM laughed haughtily, ‘Torture?  You don’t know the meaning of torture!  You were never terrorized by the Honker of 1975.  That was torture.  What I am doing is not torture.  It is just child’s play.  I am merely getting you ready for what is to come.  You should be thanking me, not chasing me down.’

‘I don’t care what happened to you,’ I replied.  ’I just want you leave me alone.  We have done nothing to you, yet you honk and honk.  It is driving my poor wife mad!  She is afraid to leave the bedroom before 7:15.  That is no way to live life.’

‘ ‘No way to live life?’ ” she spat.  ’You’ve growth soft in you dotage.  You need me just to keep yourself in the real world.  But don’t worry, this will end soon enough.  Soon the Honker will be released from prison and you will be begging me to come back and take his place.’

‘Released?  There is no way he will be released!  The judge who put him there said that he would stay in the darkest pit of the worst prison for this actions.  He will never get out.‘

MS SUNBM regarded me calmly for a moment and when she spoke there is was a hint of steel and more than a hint of self loathing and abasement.  ’You don’t follow politics do?’ she asked.  ’You probably don’t know about ABX 14, do you? If you did you would know that the Honker is 60 years old now.  He is eligible to be release into home custody because he is permanently medically incapacitated.  He coming home.  And when he gets there, all hell breaks loose.  And I will help him.  I have sold my soul to that monster.  I must do what he tells me.’

I scoffed at her claim.  Sure, ABX 14 will allow that to happen, but if he is permanently medically incapacitated, what harm can he do.  I pointed that out to MS SUNBM.

‘You’re an idiot.  Yes, he will be confined to bed in his home.  But it is his home that scares me.’

‘What do you mean, ‘his home’.’

‘Don’t you get it?  He lives in a Winnebago.  The evilest motorhome around.  It has the windshield from Bonnie and Clyde’s car, the rear bumper from Hitler’s staff car and the gear shifter from Martha Stewart’s minivan.’

‘So, just shove a potato in the tail pipe and be done with him!’

‘You can’t.  It has an electric motor from Ed Begley Jr’s concept car.’

I inwardly shuddered as I began to grasp the magnitude of what has happening.  The Honker driving around at will in his Winnebago.  She was right.  I hadn’t seen anything yet.

‘But now you know too much.  You must die.’ said MS SUNBM.

She stood their with a look of concentration on her face.  The clouds above me began to boil, the wind began to shriek around me.  I suddenly felt the oppressive weight her mind upon me, trying to crush out my sanity before I could act.  I slowly inched towards her as she began to speak, her eyes mad with an unholy pleasure.

‘It’s over,’ she cackled, ‘I have won!’

Ten feet.

‘You will finally know my pain!’

Six feet.

‘Prepare to perish!’

Three feet.  Her eyes were now totally mad.  Bits of spittle foamed in the corners of her mouth and she did not even seem to care that she had come with in range of my fornortner rod.  I easily cast it forward with a flick of my wrist, just like dad taught me.  It seemed so easy.  The rod disappeared into her chest like a stick into water.  I could feel her faltering heart beat thrilling up the rod to my hand.  She looked at me in total surprise.  Then her lip curled back to a sneer and plucked the rod out of her chest as it nothing had happened.

‘I will return.  You have not seen the last of me!’

She made a curious gesture with her hand and the earth opened up underneath her.  She stood their over the gaping pit as if the air under her was solid.  Without another word she dropped and the earth closed up around her.

It was over.  Trembling with exhaustion, I lowered myself to the ground.  I admit I wept silently for a time, just trying to process what had happened to me.  She will return?

So now I wait and abide against her return, ready for whatever I must do.   I just need to be ready to defend my family when the time comes.  If it comes.

And that is exactly what happened.

And so it goes.

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UCB

Those of you who know me know that I am an unabashed capitalist bastard.  The best way for a scarce resource to be rationed is using a price set in a well functioning capital market.  When you have a market where many goods are available,  there needs to be a way for people to choose one similar product over another.  The most effective way for a given firm to do this is by advertising.  With advertising, a firm can convince a consumer that even though there are many substitute goods, their good is the best and worth the maximum expenditure possible.

I have no issue with this

Unless they are advertising to my children.

My kids only get to watch network TV once a week, on Saturday mornings.  They will happily sit and stare at the tube for four hours while they are bombarded with ads for every possible gizmo that they absolutely must have. Period. After the fifth time one of the kids came up to me and said they wanted to buy something they saw on TV, I instituted a simple rule: I will not buy anything seen on TV.  They are free to save up their money and purchase it themselves, but dad is not going out-of-pocket for it.

But do not fear.  My seeming rejection of a fundamental capitalist principle has a happy conclusion.  Now that they know that dad won’t give them whatever they want whenever they want it, my kids ration their financial resources to try and obtain the products they want.  They look for ways to help around the house and earn money and are careful to save whenever they can.  It makes me proud to know that they are learning these principles at a young age.

I think I’ll encourage Noelle to get a subscription to the Economist…

And so it goes.

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Book ‘em

Today my blog celebrates its second birthday.  Yeah!  Now, on to weightier things:

Today I strolled down to Barnes & Noble to pick up a book for my boss.  She can get a little stressed out and I feel for her sometimes.  I decided to get her a book for the next time she has a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.  The book I got her was Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.  This was a book that I had when I was a kid.  For some reason, it always stuck with me.  I am sometimes surprised with the things I cherish from my childhood.  Now that my kids are reaching the same age as I was when these things were important, I try to pay special attention to what they are doing and experiencing.

My sister is a children’s librarian and she has introduced us to several series of books.  The series that know will have an indelible place in my children’s life is a series of book about a Pigeon by Mo Williams.  I am eagerly awaiting his next book, Naked Mole Rat Gets Dressed.  (Actually, it is already out.  I just found out about it tonight).

So there you have it.

And so it goes.

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Laugh Out Loud Cats!

Before I start with the main show, an update:

The Mrs. is now gainfully employed again, working as an SLP for SJUSD.  I say ‘gainfully’ because taking care of children isn’t real work, which is why you don’t get paid for it.  (That’s a joke people).

The Alpha child and the Professor are now in 2nd grade and kindergarten, respectively.  ME and LJ are also attending school and very happy about it.  At least I think LJ is.  She seems happy if she can just cram her foot in her mouth.

I continue with my CFA studies and am happy with my progress.  Now that the kids are in school I am hoping that I can write more and attend to all those little things I don’t have much time to do anymore.  Like drinking and bloging.

Now, on with the show….

I tag all of my posts with some standards, lolcats being one of them.  There is no single tag that brings more traffic to my blog than lolcats.  Sadly, I don’t feature many cats because they are incredibly stupid, sophomoric and inane.  That being said, they should be right at home here.

Being a man of delicate conscious, I feel that I owe my loyal random readers a few lolcats.  Just to add to the legitimacy of using those tags.  Of course, I also use Hanna Montana and Miley Cyrus and I have no intention of blog about that.  I also use porn and its cousin pron and I certainly will never blog ab0ut that, expect to talk about how demeaning it is.

I am using a lazy format to post pictures.  I don’t know if I like it, so I probably won’t use it agian.  And now, to fulfill my inconsistent conscious, lolcats:

And so it goes.

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p.s. One of these cats is not like the other.  Can you tell which one?

I Want To Go To Prison

This kid makes it sound so cute!

And so it goes.

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p.s. Don’t watch this video if you have a low cuteness tolerance

All Quiet on the Western Front

 

MS SUNBM seems to have taken a vacation.  Perhaps a summer vacation. 

Over the last few weeks, I have had three vehicle related markers to look for in the morning.  The first was at 7:08(ish) when a school bus would drive past the house Northbound.  Then at 7:15(ish) MS SUNBM would honk.  Finally, at about 7:25(ish), the Northbound school bus had completed its route and would pass the house Southbound.  This past week marked the end of the summer school season and, as you may expect, the buses stopped running.  And apparently so has MS SUNBM.  I’ve been keeping an eye out for her, and she is conspicuous by her absence. 

So now I have a working theory that she is an employee of the school district.  I’ll post a follow up after the school year starts to see how accurate my observation is.

And so it goes.

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p.s. The road that she drives by on is on the West side of house.

Aboot!

This is a follow-up to United Breaks Guitars.

I think this message by Dave Carroll is extremely charitable and I commend him for it.  He mentions that Ms. Irlwig, the customer service rep, is being treated unfairly in some places on the interweb and that she should be given a break.  My favorite part comes near the end when he says, ‘Aboot’.  You crazy canucks! 

For me, this protest as been the best kind.  There is no anger or malice, just frustration.  Anger and malice lead you to a place you do not want to go.  I’d like to offer Dave’s example to all my ‘angry’ friends out there. 

Now, if anyone needs me, I’ll be in the angry dome…

And so it goes.

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MS SUNBM – Non-law abiding citizen?

So I posted a question on Yahoo Answers to find out if I can actually track MS SUNBM down.  Turns out, I can.

If you read the link above, you will see that MS SUNBM is in violation of California Vehicle Code section 27001.

With that said, here is another video of MS SUNBM…

BREAKING THE LAW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And so it goes.

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I (heart) NY

I just got done working out.  I like to watch Modern Marvels on Netfiix while I am attempting to forget that I don’t like to exercise.  During this last round I watched an episode on the history and building of the Empire State building.

This particular episode brought back memories of when my sister graduated from Swarthmore in 1997.  While my brother and I were in Pennsylvania for the event, we took a day to ‘tour’ New York.

The morning of the big day we bought tickets for the Peter Pan bus line that left Philly at 7 am.  Over the next two hours we traveled in relative silence, passing through the NJ turnpike into New York City.

Over the next six hours my brother and I did/visited the following:

• Went to Grand Central Station
• Took the ‘A’ train
• Observation deck of the Empire State Building
• Saint Patrick’s Cathedral
• Ate pretzels from a vendor
• The Rainbow Room
• Carnegie Hall
• Ate at a diner
• Listened to street musicians
• Said ‘hi’ to some rabbis
• Bought a ’silver’ jewerly box
• Saw a homeless guy make sweet love to himself
• Watched a living statue scare people
• Saw a man with AIDS asking for money. (We gave him some)
• Yelled, ‘Hey, youse guys!’  A number of people turned around.
• Went to central park.  (Damn that place is big!)
• Ate dirty water dogs at the park
• Took a nap under a tree in the park

During those six hours we literally ran from place to place so we see as much as we could.  This trip was really about saying that we did all things listed above.  Some of it was planned, some of it was not, but it was all very memorable.

I have a few good friends who live in New York now (hi kids!).  Our corporate offices are in New York, so I imagine that I will make it out there sometime to say hi to them.  I am sure they can show me a few things I missed…

And I can’t mention New York without mentioning Fester Peabody al Efreamei VI.  He taught me the term ‘dirty water dogs‘ and introduced me to Sabrett’s Onions n’ Sauce.

That’s it for now.

And so it goes.

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I Am Become Death, The Destroyer Of Worlds

Today marks the 64th anniversary of the start of the atomic age.  At 05:29 on July 16, 1945, the very first atomic weapon was detonated in the Jornada del Muerto in New Mexico under the code name Trinity.

I have always been fascinated by this event.  Several years ago I started to learn what I could about the origin, development, testing and use of nuclear technology.  I collected videos and articles from the very scientists who developed the methods that made nuclear fission possible.  It was clear from their writings that they both loved and hated what they were doing.  The end result of their labor could only have one possible outcome, yet they pressed on.  From some, it was the thrill of finding the answer first.  For others it was a very strong feeling that this secret was going to be cracked sooner or later.  Better it be ‘us’ than ‘them’.

The single most fascinating item I learned was that this whole race was essentially kicked off in Germany, where scientists there had split a Uranium atom.  The implications of that discovery were obvious to a few key scientists.  Given the aggression of Germany, they felt that action needed to be taken in order defeat Germany before they created the weapon above.  In the long run, it was discovered that Germany was nowhere near developing a bomb.  Where have I heard that before?

The single most frightening thing I learned was just how easy it is to build a bomb like the one featured above, at least on a conceptual level.  Given enough time and enough leeway, any country could develop the technology and means to produce a crude atomic weapon.  The plutonium implosion weapon featured above would be considered highly primitive and it still has the explosive power of twenty thousand tons of TNT.   (Just to put that size into perspective, the largest weapon detonated by the US was Castle-Bravo.  It came in at fifteen megatons, or fifteen million tons of TNT.)

There is a family story about my Pop, my maternal grandfather, who owned a saw mill in northern Kentucky.  During the War, materials were very scare and he needed some parts to keep his mill operational.  A friend of his told him to go do the dealer and tell him the parts were for the Manhanttan Project.  The next day he had the parts.

I withhold judgement on whether or not the United States should have gone down the nuclear path.  I leave that question for people far smarter that myself.  It is of little difference to me what we did or did not do.  The history of the development and use of this weapon is far, far more complex than most people realize.  The players who brought this scene to life were both egotistical and humble, both madmen and saints.  I do not envy the leaders who were faced with the decisions leading up to this event.  I can only say that I hope that I am never in a place where I would be faced with such a terrible choice.

The title of this post is from the Hindu scriptures, the Bhagavad Gita.  Dr. Robert Oppenheimer, the scientific leader of the Manhattan project, later said during an interview that this quote went through his head as the bomb detonated.  The director of the Trinity test, Kenneth Bainbridge, had a more colorful remark: ‘Now we are all sons of bitches’.

And so it goes.

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