Driving By Braille

As is my standard practice, I have followed up last months blogging binge with a blogging hangover. There has been a lot going on lately keeping my away from the keyboard. Ralphie and Steve were down for a visit. Casey’s computer died and I had to reload the OS and all the programs. My company laid-off 300 workers and I sat around wondering if I would be one of them. I wasn’t. My prayers go out to those who did get laid off. Having been through it just last year, I know it is never easy. I had an old friend and his family from high school over and we had a great time. It’s nice to know that he is still a great guy. His wife and kids are great, too. I always breathe a sigh of relief whenever I come across good kids.

Not having blogged for a while, I have found myself developing thoughts more than that writing them. This was due in large part to the then-impending job cuts. There is a sobering feeling that accompanies an event like that, though I don’t have to say that. Your lively hood usually depends on someone else’s decision and that is always a little unsettling. It’s nice to be the ‘master’ of your destiny, but it’s always important to remember that you are never really are. It’s nice to pretend sometimes.

Driving by Braille is a term my friends and I used when we were driving after we had perhaps a bit too much to drink. The idea was to let the driver side wheels run on the center road dividers.  That way you knew you were driving with the road.  In reality, it didn’t work like that.  I spend a lot of my life driving by Braille, but in a more philosophical sense. 

Leela is going to be baptized next week.  We are all looking forward to that very special occasion as she is joined the Body of Christ.  All sorts of family and friends will be in town for it.  Should be a very good time.

I bought a new Bluetooth headset, so I can call my friends and family again. 

That all for now. 

And so it goes.

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Cassie

After 16 years our dog Cassie finally gave up the ghost.  All in all, I can’t complain about her as a dog.  Sure, she pooped and peed everywhere, not mention all of the throwing up.  Then there was the time on Fathers Day in 2002 when she bit me so hard that I lost my thumbnail.  Ah, the memories.  

Seriously though, she was a great dog.  We rescued Cassie from a family in Reno when she was six.  Cassie was born in Las Vegas and her family moved to Reno when she was five or so.  They had bought a new house and kept her in the laundry room most of the time for fear that she would mess up the house.  This family also had two little girls.  The combination of being confined and the kids poking and prodding left Cassie in a grouchy mood most of the time.  As a result, she started to bit and growl and such.  That is when we got her.  She would spend many hours perched on the top of our couch as if she were a cat.  She loved to chase tennis balls and had a particular affinity for golf balls.  We called them Cassiefiers.  She would get one and sit for hours and just hold it in her mouth.  If the door rang she would try and bark with the ball in her mouth.  Funny stuff.  

When it came to other canine interactions, Cassie would cower when faced with Chihuahua but try to attack a much larger dog.  One time when we were visiting some friends in Phoenix, she was attacked by a large German Shepard.   She had some puncture wounds and bleeding from the ear.  This was right after Noelle was born.  It was a real wake up call to what could happen if we were not careful.  

About a year after we got Cassie, we needed some work done on our apartment.  We called the maintenance guy to come over.  He arrived just as I was getting home and we walked to the apartment together.  Walter, the maintenance guy opened the door and I was in a position where I could see Cassie, but she could not see me.  She was crouched in the corner, shaking like a leaf.  When she saw me, she leap up and start to bark her head off.  Walter commented that every time he was over when we were not there, she would hide from him.  

I think that we knew the end was near in May of 2007.  My father-in-law was visiting from Venezuela and he brought back a couple of pounds of dark chocolate.  Cassie had a long history of getting chocolate out of visitors suitcases.  For some reason we forgot to warn Pete about that.  We went to dinner and when we got back the wrappers were all through out the house and 1.5 pounds of chocolate was in her stomach.  I decided that if this was going to take her off then I was not going to stop it.  I was not really prepared for what it was going to do to her.  Most of time when she ate chocolate she threw it up a few hours later and all was good.  Not this time.  I found her a few hours later with a grossly distended belly and she was clearly in shock and suffering.  I took her to the vet and go her fixed up.  SI he was never quite the same again and I think that was when I started getting myself ready for the end.  

We had talk about having her put down, but neither of us could seem to justify it.  She as old yes, but she was not suffering and was alert.  The closer we came to the end, the more we thought about it.  My views on life are somewhat extreme compared to mainstream society and I was clearly projecting the same sentiments to my dog.  I knew that she was only a dog and not a little person, but I felt that I would be betraying my own moral code if I put her down just because she was old.  I’m not trying to make this into a treatise on social justice, I am just not able to justify that kind of measure without really good reason.  During the final hours of her life I spent a lot of time with her and let know that we loved her and that it was okay to die.  I wondered how many more times I will need to go through this again, but with something more than a dog.  

When we got Cassie, I had it in the back of my mind that one of the reason that we were going to get a dog is so it could die.  Death carries with it some very imporant lessons and an animal is sometimes one of the best teachers.  We knew that we would have childern and the death of the dog would be a tool that we could use to make a connection to our own mortality.  In that sense, Cassie performed her last duty very well.  The added aspect is that she taught me as much as she did our kids, if not more.  

Several times today I got up to take her out, only to stop myself.  I got home this evening and went to check in on her, only to see her spot empty.  I feel a momentary shock as a job that I had for ten years is now gone.  
We have already decided that there will be no more animals in the house, save a fish or perhaps a hampster.   I suppose that a couple of kittens would be nice, but that will have to wait.  When Leela is born she will be the first of our children not to know Cassie and that does make me sad.  I many ways though, Cassie to so deeply entrenched in our memory that she will know her.  

I’ll still miss my dog.

 

And so it goes.

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The Greatest Teacher Who Never Lived

I my wife’s room in Carson City there is a sign that reads, ‘Good judgement comes from experience and experience comes from bad judgement.’  This last week I got a big dose of experience.

As you may recall, several months ago we thought our dog was dying.  That may still be true, but it is not an immanent event.  After a string of events that included Mary being on the business end of the dog’s mouth (no injuries), we decided to investigate giving the dog away.

That being said, it was a very difficult decision.  Certainly one we did not enter into lightly.  The key point to understand was that we did not decide to give the dog away, but to investigate giving the dog away.  We also agreed that the end result of whatever we did could not result in the dog being put down.  If that was want we wanted I could just take to the vet right now and be done with it. 

After some work we found three options:

• SPCA
• The county
• Another family

We were able to rule out the first two quickly.  They would take Cassie and put her up for adoption, but if no one claimed her after five days she would be put down.

For the family option, we asked some friends with no luck.  Then I decided to post an ad on Craigs List.  Enter the poor judgement.

I put up a picture of our dog with a brief note about her and why we were looking for a new home for her.  The note basically read that we could not give her the kind of love she deserved.  I also mentioned the three children and her age, condition and such.  Then I put that we had bedding, supplies and that I would offer $100 for set-up costs. 

Here are some of the e-mails I got:

• You have a heart of iron.  Your children will not turn out well.
• PLEASE DO NOT  offer money to people to take your 14 year old dog!!!!

  My God do you really think someone wants a 14 year old dog? They will take the money and dump the dog a few miles from your house.

  I can not believe anyone could be so cruel. The dog would be better off dead than in the hands of someone who would take the dog for money.

  Please, at least contact Cocker Spaniel Rescue.

  This is the most heartless post I have ever seen on Craigslist. Some creepy person has just been waiting for someone like you to take advantage of. You can’t possibly be that naive to think someone will want an old dog. They only want the $100. They should be giving you $100. Take the dog to the vet and spend $100 to have him put down!

  How can you give up your dog in his elder years? All he really wants is a warm place to be and  enough food to eat but that is too much for you??

  Take him to the vet and have him put down! Unlike you he will miss you and probably die wondering where his family has gone.

  PLEASE do not do this to your poor friend.
• why not just have the poor thing put down at the vet someone will just come get the money and the dog and dump the dog and make some money please rethink your choices   

Those were the best three.  The one almost common thread was that it was mean to give the dog away.  If we really loved our dog we should kill her instead.  Now, I am just a simple country type boy who is not all that familiar with the ways of the city folk, but is seems to me that killing a dog is less kind than that giving it away.  But that is just me.

I was particuarlly amused with the messages that pointed out that whoever took the dog would take the money and kill the dog.  Again, simple county bumpkin, but I ain’t that dumb.  Of course we would screen the person and of course we would only offer the money to help them get set up.  Bring me a reciept and I will pay you back kind of set up. 

We did get two messages that were supportive.  Those were nice. 

So long story short, we kept the dog.  After all that it seemed that we just need to make the time we need.

I am now going through all of the mean messages and responding to them with compassion not shown to us. 

And so it goes.

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